A letter to heaven...

Today marked the 100th day my late brother passed away. We'll be having a prayer at the temple in the morning.

I just wonder how he is doing over at heaven? How's life there? I close my eyes & I can see him in my thoughts, he is smiling at me. I would like to think that he is much happier & peaceful now.

Brother,
I believe you are watching us from above
Would you hold our hand
Guide us along the way
I know you cant stay here for long
Just a warm gentle touch
We know you are here

You must be strong, and carry on
There in heaven
Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure

You are fondly missed by us

Take Care
Cos there's no more tears in heaven

Only.... Your big warm smile !!

Your loving sister,

Reflection ...

2007 is coming to an end in a few days time...
Its time for me to reflect on my journey during the year.
2007 spin off with a Chinese New Year that wasn't an auspicious one for my family.

Sad to say, it was a year of mishap, tears & so much sadness .... the endless visits in & out of the hospitals were more than times that I actually sat down to watch the TV, can you believe it?

My late brother coping his live with an amputated leg (due to bone cancer on the leg) that changed his lifestyle totally till his death on 21 Oct 2007 at age 45 yrs old. He is still fondly missed by all of us!!

My mum also went for surgery in June, she endured it until one fine day she could hardly walk... :(

I started my blogging journey mid of this year, partly out of curiousity.
Glad to have known a handful of great friends who bring me laughter everyday just by your simple words at my shout. Even when friends gone on vacation, they remembered me & captured my name on the island's sand (see my boys & my name on the left side of the blog). Thanks, Trinity, Carlo & Amel (for the snow carve). Also, not forgeting those who remembered me & air-flown cards & pressie over. Jamilla, Emila, Jean. Thank you so much, love ya ;)

I'm awaiting for some happiness during this festive season when got a friend's message that he was diagnosed with lung cancer & had gone for chemotheraphy thrice. Its really hard to believe... someone who don't smoke, drink, lead a healthy lifestyle, went home after work to be with the family (wife & 4 kids less than 10 yrs old). I'm really speechless ...
My late brother died of lung failure due to lung cancer which has spreaded from his bone cancer.
I just felt so sore on hearing that a friend has to suffer it now. Things doesn't look too positive for me the moment the patient had to go for chemo. Somehow....
Let's pray for his speedy recover & lesser pain & torture.

I'm in a confused state of mind right down to set down my resolutions for the New Year.
I wish for good health to everybody. Its so critical :)

My late Brother

Yesterday was the 7th day my beloved brother passed away.

My sis-in-law saw him in her dream. The time was 12.38am...
My brother hold on to her blanket & kneel beside her bed.
Then he hold on to her hands & told her not to cry anymore.

His younger son dreamt of his daddy too.
He was using the computer, he turned around when his son called him.
He smile back at him with happiness.

Although we are all saddened by the lost but glad to hear that my brother "returned" to pass the message that he has found the road to happiness.

May he enjoy his long journey in heaven.

I want to THANK YOU to all those who has shown their concern, love, care, hope, support & condolences to my late brother.

♥ aaron cook ♥ ac associates ♥ Adrian ♥ amel's realm ♥ anitbarbie ♥ appletpk95 ♥ Babyfiona ♥ barrett laurie ♥ bless ♥ blog author ann clemmons ♥ blur mommy ♥ blur ting ♥ Bobby ♥ Bokjae ♥ Bola ♥ brown baron ♥ cardiogirl ♥ cbenc12 ♥ chin sh'n ♥ choc mint girl @ crystal ♥ colleen ♥ criz lai ♥ daniel ♥ Dan's porta ♥ Darlene ♥ diamondssaphire ♥ dodongflores ♥ east meets west kitchen ♥ Eastcoastlife ♥ Ed ♥ ehon ♥ elenie tan ♥ Emila ♥ erisha ♥ flsam ♥ francine ♥ franx budi ♥ Georg ♥ health freak mommy ♥ hipmommy ♥ hipncoolmomma ♥ honestyrain ♥ ilovepearly ♥ JaMiLLa ♥ Janicenw ♥ Jean ♥ jennyl ♥ JessetheCat ♥ jho ♥ Joezul ♥ Johnny Ong ♥ jon ♥ Judy ♥ Keeyit ♥ kegler747 ♥ kiasumum ♥ Ladyjava ♥ lemonjude ♥ Lilifxt ♥ lori ♥ loz ♥ maketraffic ♥ Mariuca ♥ menopauseprincess ♥ Milkmaid ♥ Mommyness ♥ Monday morning power ♥ monkeywong ♥ Morgan ♥ mummy to qiqi ♥ NAFASG ♥ nessa ♥ nester ♥ Nicholas Aaron Khoo ♥ Nick Philips ♥ Nihal ♥ odysseus ♥ old beng ♥ pia ♥ Polliwog ♥ purplefrogcat ♥ Racheal ♥ Rolando ♥ s.h.@.r.o.n ♥ Sam Chan ♥ Sandy G ♥ Santa Claus ♥ sasha ♥ Shan ♥ Shana ♥ Shern's mom ♥ Shinade ♥ sicarii ♥ stacey ♥ Sunshineforlife ♥ Surjit ♥ suzie ♥ sweetpea ♥ tak feng & ♥ li li ♥ The Bimbo Bobo ♥ The New Parent ♥ Trinity ♥ Waterlearner ♥ wen ♥ Zara's Mama ♥ zari.zhm ♥

My head is spinning...

My head is spinning while typing this.
I'm very tired both physically & mentally. I haven't been sleeping well since my brother passed away. In the midst of berevement, I am also coping with a weak body. I am down with a very bad sore throat. Zac is also down with running nose & cough. My hubs sick too, he caught a cold during his business trip in Shanghai.

Thank you everybody for your concern & condolences.

I need to rest early, it's going to be a busy day again tomorrow at the funeral palour.

RIP

He could hardly talk, move & breath.

We were all by his bedside holding on tightly to his hands.
His condition worsen tremendously overnight.
We have a feeling that he might not make it till midnight.

He was trying so hard for the miracle 10% of survival,
He cannot bear to leave his family just like that.

He grasped for air but inhaled none,
We shouted his name to no response.

He was really gone this time ... ...

We were so sorry for not being able to save his life.

Brother, you will be remembered dearly in our hearts,
Your last hope & wish will be fulfilled by everyone in the family.

May you Rest In Peace.

Will there be a MIRACLE?

Do you remember quite sometimes back I wrote about the Prayer Card of Love & Hope air-flown over to me from the kind-hearted young Jamilla? Jamilla wrote in her recent post on the card preparation to the finished product. It was a lot of effort & she spend money on getting the good quality transparent sticker. I felt bad that she had to use her money to get it done. So sorry, Jamilla.
The Prayer Card is for my brother who is fighting his days over cancer all over his body. He is still in hospital now & doctor told us last month that there is no cure. He is counting down the days, how long he can survive will depend on his determination & will to hold on. Frankly, I have never seen a person so sick in my whole life. I tend to treasure my life & those around me more from this incident. We are so helpless beside his bed, what we see are constant images of him groaning in pain. The pain is excruciating, he is crying bcos of the pain. We are also crying in our heart seeing him fighting so hard for every second to survive. The morphine dosage has been increased to the maximum limit, but that is not enough cos the pain for cancer patient is accelerating over days. I really got no idea how long he can endure. I am sorry that his life has to be ended so very soon. He is our hero & a very very brave one !!

I thank you all who has send in their prayers for my brother. It is touching to have friends whom I have never met but showered love & care to my family.

I would like to take this opportunity to let the world know from my brother's experience :

1) See a SPECIALIST once you sense that something is seriously not quite right with you
2) DO NOT delay treatments, even if it mean borrowing money from someone.
3) DO NOT hide your illness from your family members or friends, they are those who are able to assist you
4) Eat a balanced diet
5) Have adequate rest, learn how to relax your mind & body, don't get too over-stress. Cancer is very much related to STRESS
6) Go for full body check-up yearly

A sentence from Jamilla "Make difference in your life by giving love, happiness, hope, joy, support and encouragement to the world!"

Let us all PRAY together for my brother ... ... will there be a miracle?

A Card of Prayers, Love, Hope & Faith....

Last Friday, a postman knocked on my door to deliver a registered mail for me. Its weird cos I hardly got any letters, not to say.... registered ones.

I was excited that it was from Brunei. Then I recall that I've got a blogger friend there.

Jamilla, thank you so much for your handmade card, it was so beautiful that I'm really lost for words. You are such a warming & kind friend to have made it for my brother & sending over prayers, love, hope & faith. I love the hearts of flower. You are such a creative young girl. It just made me smile. I hope it will do likewise to my brother. :)

He was discharged from the hospital yesterday after staying there for a week again. The cancer has spreaded even further now. He cant take anymore surgery, he can only prolong his life through chemotherapy. Doctor has spoken to him, the pain is accelerating everyday. He has just numbed another 4 more nerves on the lower part of the body. How long he can survive will depend solely on his fighting spirits now, I am constantly praying for him for lesser pain & if there is really miracle to turn things around? ... ...

Jamilla, you are right about my brother, he is really A HERO.

I would like to thanks those people whose name appeared in Jamilla's card.

Thanks for being part of my blogging family... Jamilla, Bobby, Marzie, Jean, Karen, MakeTraffic, Nafasg, Jesse, Trinity, Uncle Sam, Shinade, Bokjae, Joezul, Bobo, Santa Clause & Sandy G.

I want to take this opportunity to award to you (people in the list above) this which I receive it from Roger quite sometimes back. All of you just made me SMILE, it is just how wonderful friends are !!

I'm glad I found YOU ... ...

What's happening?

The one week stay over at my parent's house ended yesterday. The kids are back home.
I think they missed their grandparents, they missed climbing up & down those stairs & also at the pool... :)

They will have to wait till another school holiday for a stayover.

Not been really blogging for a week seems like I have been missing a lot of stuff. Can you guys update me what is happening around the blogosphere?

I went to visit my brother on Friday & glad to see that he was more jovial & chatting away with all of us. Doctor numbed 3 of his 5 nerve near the spine so that he cannot feel the pain caused by the bone cancer. He is struggling every min for a living chance & is prepared to do anything for it. He will be discharged from hospital these few days if he can cope with the lesser pain, but it will not be the last visit cos he need to return for chemotherapy. Leg amputation, lung surgery & the countless theraphy, treatments, medicine, x-ray, scanning.... all within a year. How can a human body withstand so much treatments? Why must he be the chosen one? Such a kind, loving husband, father, brother & son !! Deep down.... all of us know what is the worst scenario....

I will be back soon ...

Thank you all for the awards and meme I received during this week. Sorry that I am unable to leave comments or respond to you promptly, due to limited internet access over at my parent's house.

My brother's condition is not too good, he is still in hospital. We are seeing to each day how we could help him to suffer less.

Thank you for all of your concern.

I will try to catch up when I am back home.

You mean a lot to me....

I am very touched to see so many friends including my brother in their prayers.
Thanks to all of you. You may not know but all your thoughts & love mean a lot to me at this critical time.

I want to say thank you to Nafa for creating the above badge & Sending Their Ray of Hope
Karen for initiating all to my call for prayers
To Janice & Her brother with much love from Jesse
Marzie for her Love for me at Just For Janice
Bobby for Janice Needs A Prayer
BokJae for Support for Janice
Joezul's Prayer for Janice's brother


A special thanks also to Jackie for her Rose for Janice & her brother.
Trinity for Wishing all the best to my brother.
Maketraffic for Prayer for my brother.
Santa for Prayer for Janice.
Jamilla for Janice's brother is a hero.
Jean for initiating a prayer at Prayer's Room & God always send Rainbows after Rains

Brother, be strong ...

The lung surgery took about 4 hours.
His condition is more complicated than what we thought. An initial scan of 2 lumps turned out to be more than 10 times more. All were removed but he holds a question of what about the other lung?
He is still in ICU this morning but awake & alert.

He is in great pain on a scale of 0 to 10. He told us he is at 8. He is someone with high threshold of pain. A grade of 8 is something we could have no longer be able to bear.

The road to recovery is long & tough ... ...

What I see are images of him in pain now.

Thank you all for all your kind words & prayers.
Please do continue to pray for him !!

Pray for him

He is sick
Life has been miserable
Torture one after another

10am today
The operation will begin

I need everyone to pray for him
To wish him all smoothly & well

For he is....
My beloved brother !!